Have you ever had a moment where you’re at work, just typing away, then all of a sudden BOOM! A plot idea hits you, which leads down this dark, cold staircase. You can’t know what’s at the bottom, but you must keep moving forward. Once you’ve begun your journey, the only way to stop is to go to sleep. Or get into an accident. You know, whatever works. Because simply turning back, is never an option. It’s impossible.
For me, that’s what being a writer is like. My mind is the dark staircase and I’m terrified to ever see the end of it. It’s a mysterious place, and it can be dangerous at times. Thank goodness, I sometimes have Navi to help me from time to time (she brings the whiskey/wine).
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Ever since The Parliament House decided to pick up Dead Dreamer, I’ve felt the motivation I’d been lacking for years, to write. It’s not that I didn’t love writing, or I was avoiding it. My life had changed a lot in the last three years. In some good ways, and in some bad. And when I wrote, I felt myself beginning the dangerous journey again. But instead of inspirations, I found demons. Demons that were too strong for me to fight (That bitch wouldn’t bring me my bow…).
But when the dust finally settled, I had had enough. Enough of letting them win, and enough of the bull shit. I was ready for my guide to return and help me through it.
Years ago, when I used my novels for my graduate school thesis, I went to a tattoo parlor to receive the mark I had been waiting for. Something to represent my novels and all the hard work I had put into the series (and my thesis). So, on my left shoulder blade is a raven with the symbol of the Morrigan behind it. The raven represented my need and love to write. While the Morrigan represented my strength to continue fighting; To face my inner demons each day, and continue forward.
During the hard times, it was as if my raven guide had vanished and I was all on my own. And facing my own demons without help was difficult. But somehow, my raven returned with the strength of the Morrigan with it. She ate Navi, and became my guide once again. Now, when I sit at my desk, whether it be at home or work, I’m not afraid to continue my journey. The mind will take you where it’s meant to lead you. And now, after a treacherous journey, my novels have grown stronger and surpassed what they used to be.
It’s been a decade since I began this journey. I’ve lived through some hard times, causing me to lose some internal battles and become trapped. But no matter what, I kept the will to fight. And I will continue to fight. I want to see what the cards have dealt for me. It will be hard. It will be dark. It will be dangerous. But in the end, it will be worth it (because Navi is finally dead and will stop screaming, “Hey! Listen!”). 