Response to Ellen Burkhardt

If you haven’t seen it already, here is the link to Ellen Burkhardt’s article “When Guys Find Out I’m a Virgin.”

This isn’t one of my usual posts, but I felt like I needed to write this.  For me personally.

Personally, I believe this is a really interesting article.  Going to high school in a private baptist school, it wasn’t the first time I’ve heard of someone saving themselves for marriage.  It was actually drilled into our minds all the time.  At nearly every Wednesday morning chapel.  Like any teenager, the instinct to rebel seeps in strong.  Why should I do what they say?  It’s my life and my body.

Turns out, the message stuck with me.  I never rebelled.  The declaration that I won’t have sex before marriage never left my lips.  But it’s easy to not have sex when you aren’t dating.  It’s also easy to not have sex when you’ve never been in love.  I am a virgin.  Now I’m not talking about the virgins who do everything but.  I am a true virgin at the age of 24.   

Ellen says that she is dating and it is hard for guys to connect with her without the physical touch.  Or at least that personal a touch.  I admire her for that.  Because I am a virgin, I am honestly afraid to even try dating.  The fear is that the guy will want “it” right away.   Ellen describes the feeling of being a virgin in your twenties, “The longer I go without sex, the more build-up there is: the more anxiety and curiosity, fear and desire, anticipation and uncertainty. Basically, what was once just another bit of my identity has, over 26 years, become a defining element of who I am, whether I like it or not.”  Truth

Being a virgin can feel like a bad thing in our society.  It feels as though we are mocked for our virginity. 

But after reading Ellen’s article, I have some hope.  Maybe my gynocologist was right to high five me every time I went to talk to her.  Maybe it’s okay to still have my innocence.  I still don’t know if I would wait until after marriage.  I’ve never been in love, or even close to love.  To me, that means I don’t know how I would act in the situation.  I just hope whatever my decision is in the future, it will be the right one for myself.

I do hope you go and read her article.  It is inspiring and helps give me a small peace of mind.  Here is the link again.  Please, go and read Ellen’s cool article.


Ellen Burkhardt from Salon.com

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